My mood has lifted a bit this afternoon. I've had lots of coffee, and gave the summer student some of my work. Ha!

I always fine the most interesting things while I'm researching things for work. I'm always learning new things. I found this article this afternoon, and thought some tips were rather interesting, if not particularly useful. Hence, I bring you highlights from 69 incredible sex tricks, along with my own commentary:

3. Have your man sit on top of the washing machine while you have sex (you perched on top, with your legs wrapped around his waist). The vibrations carry through his penis, turning it into a wonderful vibrator. Select the cottons cycle for the best results. It's a warm wash so his bum won't get cold, plus it has the longest, fastest spin. Feel those good vibrations.

I like how they specified what type of cycle to use. I don't have this option on my particular machine. But I do have "soft", "regular", and "strong". When it's set on strong, the whole thing shakes and starts walking around the kitchen.

12. Feed your man cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon if you're planning to give him oral pleasure. It'll make his semen taste nicer.

I knew that vegetarians generally tasted better than meat eaters, but it's nice to know that there are particular foods that make 'dining at the Y' a little more palatable.

17. Have sex on a swivel chair to make sex really exciting. 'The spinning sends fluid rushing around the balance mechanism in your inner ear,' says Men's Health medical editor Dr Keith Hopcroft, and this disorientation makes you feel like you're floating. Get ready to land on Cloud 9.

I love office chairs. I spin and race mine around all day. I've actually stripped the paint off the floor. I think maybe that's why I'm attracted to business men in suits.

23. Make oral sex better for you and for him with some ice cream. But don't just spoon it on - buy an ice cream cone, bite off the end and slip it over his still-soft penis. Now add the ice cream and take your time nibbling and licking until he's so hard that he breaks out of the cone! Who ever said ice cream was just for kids.

Hm. I'm not so sure about this one. First of all, I really don't think that an ice cream cone would fit over a flaccid penis - or maybe I'm just lucky. \m/.

29. Forget the old sex and chocolate recommendations - cheese contains more phenylethylamine, the chemical that gives you that chocolate 'high'. So order a cheese platter after dinner and see if doesn't get you both in the mood.

This one I could get into. Cheese and sex. Hmm.. I think I just thought of a new use for Swiss Cheese....

32. Eat avocado to get in the mood for love. It's loaded with the feel-good, pleasure-intensifying substance, phenylethylamine.

Another sexy food I knew nothing about. I am *so* making nachos tonight with guacamole and extra cheese.

33. Take a swig of champagne before going down on him. Keep it in your mouths by creating a 'seal' with your lips, then use your tongues to swirl the bubbles around the head of his penis. Nerve endings react to the bubbles, heightening sensation, and when he's suitably satisfied he can do the same for you.

I guess I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to food & sex. Sometimes I hold Coke in my mouth because I like the sensation, so I imagine it's the same deal here, only there's a penis in there too, which probably isn't so bad...

40. Sing to him while you give him oral pleasure. The lower the notes the more vibrations he'll feel and, believe us, he won't care if you're in tune or not - it'll feel great.

Okay, this one I have heard about, but: Do people really do this? What would you sing? Hm. Okay, I think I feel another list coming on: Top Ten Songs to Sing While Performing Fellatio". Stay tuned, kiddies.

43. Go ape to improve your sex life. Gorillas may have tiny penises (less than 3cm long) but they make up for it with hours of arousing mutual grooming. Doing this releases pleasure-inducing brain chemicals and makes great foreplay. Have your man wash your hair or ask him to rub your body lotion in. Or offer to scrub his back while he's in the bath. Who said sex had to be dirty?

44. Seals bite each other during sex and it seems there's good reason for it. 'Gentle biting brings blood to the surface of the skin,' says sex expert Petra Boynton, 'making it more sensitive to touch.'

45. But avoid biting like a mink. These furry creatures also enjoy a good nibble but, sometimes, the males get it wrong and accidentally pierce the female's brain, killing her. Use a code word during sex to indicate that something is hurting or unpleasurable. Choose a word that you wouldn't normally say during sex, such as Coventry for example.

Okay, was I asleep in biology class? I need to take an animal sexuality class. Three more things I didn't know. Gorillas has small weiners, seals are into S&M, and male minks sometimes PIERCE THE FEMALE'S BRAIN DURING SEX. Dear God.